apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
