Your dad touched me again.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
