my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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