I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
