im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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