I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
