so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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