two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Randomize
