I look better un-naked...
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
