Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
