so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize