Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I think my fart just growled at me.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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