We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize