Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
