I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
