It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
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