Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Randomize
