Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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