I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
