Will you blow on my dice?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
