Me. At least after what I've been through.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
