i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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