I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Randomize
