he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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