you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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