I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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