Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I want to be your penis for a week.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
