saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
