i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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