Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
