Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
