My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
