Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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