That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
