If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
