She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
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