if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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