im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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