I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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