now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
