I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
