Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
this hospital has no fireball
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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