Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
