I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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