david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
