do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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