i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
