what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
