I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
