I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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