I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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