dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
