We won't sleep together?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize