he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
