I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize