Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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