oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
