they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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