There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Randomize
