Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
