im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
