Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
