moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
