Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
