legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize