I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
God, you're like boner-b-gone
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
