Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
