Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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